i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
