So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
