Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
