I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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