What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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