ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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