the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
