I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
