My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize