does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
