dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
