He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
