I'm so fucking centered right now
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
