Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
