I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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