Cold hands, warm shart.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
