FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
