is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
