just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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