you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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