ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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