This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want a musical about memes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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