Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
