Will you blow on my dice?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
