i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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