Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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