The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
