He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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