why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
