I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
