The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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