I want to make a zoo with you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
