Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
