While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
