why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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