You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
