:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
