toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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