Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
