Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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