What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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