How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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