I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So squirting runs in the family.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
