We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
