problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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