I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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