Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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