she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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