I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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