Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize