If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
