I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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