I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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