My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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