didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
