Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize