I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
