He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
