You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
