if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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