love makes seman taste better
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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