dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
