she was so not down for the gang bang
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
