Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
