Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
